Throughout life we are faced with many things that are unpleasant and painful. Sometimes it's just one or the other, sometimes it's both, worse is when both come as a direct result of something you did or a choice you made. "Life is pain," seems to be the motto by which many of us live our lives as we prove it over and over again. It hurts to know that when you fall and pick yourself back up all you're doing is preparing for another fall. Sometimes you just want to stay on the ground for awhile, you've fallen so many times and bruised yourself so much that you just rather wallow in the pain and the memories than jump right back up for another bout with the next pot hole, gravity, and the inevitable pain. We are clothed with the blackness and the darkness that shadows our days, haunts our nights, and threatens all possibility for happiness. It's something some people have to live with forever, something that everyone has had to face at least once in their life. Some people are luckier than others it's true, but we all know that feeling right as you start falling, your stomach drops, your mouth gets dry, your lips chapped, your breath catches in your chest, your heart jumps and for a split second you know what's about to happen, the pain that's about to consume your body and soul and you realize, "Crap, this is REALLY going to hurt and I can't do a bloody thing about it."
Then you hit bottom or in some cases you may even hit rock bottom. Most of the time you stand up, dust yourself off and keep going. But not every time. Sometimes you're just done. You've fallen and fallen hard. You're tired, sometimes cold, lonely, or broken and you just don't want to go on anymore. You know the world isn't ending or anything, you know things could be so much worse for you and they aren't, but you're done. It' doesn't matter how much worse it could, it doesn't matter that there could be more pain or more confusion, more heartache or disappointment, all you know is the pain you feel is all consuming and you just don't feel like caring anymore. So you stay on the ground, noticing that you're done, you're not going anywhere and it only fuels the pain more.
Everyone has their own pit falls, their own road-bumps, weaknesses, and points in time where they just fall and they don't want to get back up again. It can be in school, trying to get good grades and you just can't understand the class, the teacher, any of it. It can be at home with your family, where the stresses and pressures are always building, it feels like all you do is fight or run from the pain. It can be socially, everywhere you go there's clicks and groups and you never feel like you fit in or belong. It can be in relationships where every relationship you have seems to fall short, leading and ending in pain. It drains your energy, spoils any reserve you had, and leaves you cold, tired, and alone.
Unlike the usual I'm not saying you should just jump back on up and give it another go in your seventh circle of Hades. I'm not going to tell you to give up, give in, and end it now though, either. Just stay sitting a minute. Don't feel guilty that you aren't going anywhere for the moment, it's okay everything will happen when you're ready for it and honestly, you're not ready right now. Just take that time out for yourself. Look at what you just went through, yes I know it hurts but you've got to do it so you understand what happened, what hurt, what was great, and what you need to take from it for the future. Try to find a small seed of understanding and knowledge out of everything and just let the rest go.
I know it hurts and sometimes "hurt", "pain", and even "agony" don't feel anywhere near the level of intensity that you're feeling. But the pain subsides and with time you're bruises will heal, the cuts and scrapes will mend. Sometimes they only leave a trace on your heart and in your mind, other times they leave scars in more places that inside you but even then you can heal, you can mend and after all of that you will be ready to pick yourself back up again. This time open your eyes, use the pain of that last fall, the knowledge of your last bout, the understanding of your latest event and avoid those pot holes, look out for those bumps in the road and when you do fall again at least you'll know you were doing your best. You were looking out for yourself and there's something new you can learn for the next set of adventures that life throws your way.